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No. XXXIII. 



COCKIEYS m CALIFORIIA. 



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THE MINOR DRAMA. 

No. XXXIIl. 



COCOEYS IN CALIFOEIIA. 



u 



% l^xttt of ©olirn ©pportttnitg " 



IN ONE ACT. 

BY J r STIRLING COYNE, ESQ. 



ALSO THE STAGE BUSINESS, CASTS OF CHARACTERS, 
COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



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NEW YORK : 
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CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Adelphi. National. Olympic. Broadway. 

Jnthv/iyChiffine.Mr.ManyArd. Mr. W.Chapman.Mr. Conover. Mr. Hadaway 
Jacob Bunker... "P.Bedford. " Pardey. '• Nickiuson. "E.Shaw. 

The Monkey " Mitchenson. " CoUadine. Mons. Wiethoff. 

Walter C/iffin$.. Woodward. Mast. Chapman. Mast. Edwards. Miss Wallis. 

Peter "Linden- Mr. Seymour. 

Mrs. Ohiffini. . . .Mrs.F.Matthews.Mf s.G. Cnapman,Mias Clarke. Mrs. Watts. 

Julina Miss Turner. Miss Miles. Miss Carman. 



COSTUMES. 

ANTHONY CHIFFINS.— Nankeen trowsers, long white waistcoat, black «hort 
skirted coat, small white hat, long haired black wig. 

JAOOB BUNKER.— Large brown trowsers, high boots, canvass frock, blwk belt 

blue handko-rchief, red wig, glazed hat. 

THE MONKEY.— 

WALKER CHIFFINS.— Nankeeu dress, straw hat. 

PETER. — Canvass trowsers, red shirt, straw hat. 

MRS. CHIFFINS. — Travelling plain dress, straw bonnet, black ailk shawl. 

JULINA.— Slave's dress. 



EXITS AND EinTRANOBS. 

H. means Right; L. Left; R. D, Right Door; L. D. Left Door 
S. B. Second Entrance; U. B. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 

R., means Right; L., Left; C, Centre ; R. C, Right of Centre; 
L. C, Left of Centre. 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

^7 




Scene I. — A wild woody scen€ in California. 



Chiffins holloas outside, and then enters^ r., carrying on 
his back his son. Walker, a warming pan in either 
hand ; he is Jollowed by Mrs. Chiffins, who carries an 
infant in her arms. 

Chif. Hol-loa-a-a ! Ah ! nobody hears me — nobody's 
coming ! — It's useless holloaing any longer. There's not 
an omnibus, a cab, or even a wandering policeman to 
be found in this desolate place. Mrs. Chiffins, my dear, 
it's my opinion that we're all lost— every individual of this 
interesting little group. 

Mrs. G. Oh ! dear Chiffins, don't say so. 

Chif. It's a melancholy fact, though. We're so utterly 
lost, that I doubt if that active and intelligent officer, For- 
rester, armed with a search warrant could possibly find 
us in this forest. 

Mrs. C. Why don't you shout again, then 1 

Chif. I've been shouting, Mis. Chiffins, till I have 
nearly shouted the last particle of voice out of my manly 
bosom. 

Mrs. C. Then, what is to become of us ? 

Chf. That's precisely what I don't know. 

Mrs. C. For my part, 1 wish I had never quitted my 
little shop at Hoxton. 

Chif. Hah ! You have no spirit of enterprise, Mrs. 
Chiffins ; you would have been quite content to spend 
your life dispensing brandy-balls, peg-tops, gingerbread 
and ballads, to the rising generation of Hoxton. 



4 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

Mrs. C. Aye, that I would ! — and it would have been 
better if you had stuck to your school, too. 

Ckif. Academy ! — Mrs. Chiffins — say my academy, for 
the instruction of ingenious youth in the polite arts of read- 
ing, writing, turning the mangle, and other branches of 
useful knowledge. The tree of knowledge is a fine tree, no 
doubt; but you know I've been digging at its roots for 
ever so long, without getting any fruits from it, and so I'm 
determined to try my luck at the gold diggings in Cali- 
fornia, where the precious dust is so abundant, that any 
body may have a warming-pan full for the scooping of it 
up. 

Mrs. C. Ah ! Chiffins, they've been throwing that pre- 
cious dust in your eyes. For my part, I don't think there^s 
any such place in the world as Californy. 

Ckif. What ! — would you go to set your face again the 
map of the world ] — Do you suspect Guy's Geography, 
ma'am? 

Mrs. G. I suspect its only fit for Guys. 

Ckif. Mrs. Chiffins, my dear, I'm ashamed of your geo- 
graphical incempetency. I'll venture to say, that my 
youngest pupil, little Cicero Chiffins, who reposes on your 
maternal bosom, could tell you where California is — if he 
could speak. However, here we are ; and if we hadn't 
lost Zekiel Flum, our Yankee guide, this morning, in the 
forest, I calculate we should have been now somewhere 
in the neighborhood of the gold diggings. 

Mrs. C. 1 shouldn't have cared so much for the Yankee, 
if he hadn't carried off our mule and baggage along with 
him. Oh dear ! — I'm really able to walk no further ! — 
little Cicero is such an uncommonly solid child of his 
age— 

Chif. And his brother, Walker, who is three sizes larger, 
has nearly broken the paternal back. — D'ye hear me. 
Walker, what part of speech are you, sir ] 

Wal. A noun substantive, father. 

Ckif. Very good ! and what is a noun substantive ? 

Wal. Any thing that stands by itself. 

Ckif Then you had better dismount, and stand by 
yourself, for I can carry you no longer. — (drops the ho^ 
from kis back,) 

Mrs. C. Chiffins ! — Chiffins ! — are you a father ? 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 5 

Chif. Father ! — A word which signifies to be — to do — 
and to suffer. Yes — I certainly believe I am a father,— 
Bui though I've got the feelings of a father, I havn't got 
the back of an elephant. 

Mrs. C. Ah, well ! I dare say our sufferings will soon 
hfi over. [Captain Bunker heard singing at a distance. 

Chif. Hark ! — Isn't that a roice 1 — My ears don't deceive 
me. 

Mrs. C. No — you may trust to your long ears, Chiffins 
— it is a voice. 

Chif. And one that I have heard before. — Hey ! I see 
the California nightingale moving this way through the 
trees. [Captain Bunker sings without^ l. 

SONG. 



Air — " Soldier Laddie** 

Sell you tables — sell your chairs ; 

Sell your mangles — 

Sell your mangles ; — 
Sell your feather beds— who cares? 

We'll have spangles— 

We'll have spangles ! 



Chif. Goodness ! — No — it never can be ! my old friend 
Captain Jacob Bunker, of " The Uncle of the Thames," 
Gravesend steamer ! 

M/f. C. Captain Bunker ! 

Chif. A magnificent man, Mrs. Chiffins ! — with a heart 
in which the philanthropy of at least half a dozen Bene- 
volent Societies has been bottled off. 

Enter Captain Bunker, l. 

(Sings.) Come with shovel, pick, and spade, 
Pan and ladle ; — ^pan and ladle ; 
Digging gold's your only trade ! 
Bring a cradle ; — ^bring a cradle. 

Chif. Hah ! — It is the gallant Bunker himself. 

Bun. Hey! — stop her! — who hails Bunker? — Hollo! 
hollo! — Chiffin's, my boy! — You in California? 

Mrs. C. Oh, Captain! — this is a blessed meeting? If 
you hadn't come, we should have perished here, like the 
babes in the wood. 

Chif. My dear fiiend ! Allow me ! — {shakes Bunkbr's 



6 COCKNEYS IX CALIFORNIA. 

7iand,) I may truly say I'm deHghted to sec you. — Boen 
loitg ii. this magnificciit country, captain ? 

Bun. A'nout six weeks. 

C//'J] Six weeks ! — What a licap of goltl you must have 
scraped up in tlie time !— how many bushels a day, on l)ic 
average ? 

/>««. Why — a — not many. Confiilentlally sjicaking, 
I've been cuit «»r luck ; and havn't hit on the right dig- 
gins yet — but never mind — [.T/«^.t{ — "tlierc's a goml time 
cominii;," — an<l plenty of gotd — but very little to eat. 

C^iif. Oh ! well — Ttn not particular al)out my victuals. 

I\Irx, C. Ah, ChitlJiJS ! — 1 told you how it would be — 
AVhai's to become of our poor babes now? wc might as 
well have sent them to the Union. 

Bun. Hollo! hollo ! — I)4urt hans: out siijnals of distress 
so soon; I've got a stock of provisions in my hut, a little 
way up the valley ; as long as they last you*re welcome to 
shaie them. 

C/ti/. There spoke the gallant Bunker, once the darling 
of his ciew ! 

Bftn. Turn ahead, and away we goes, then ! 

C/iif. Come, Mrs. C, exert your native energies, my 
angel ! — and you, Walker, follow in the footsteps of youi 
parental pa. 

TRIO. 

Am.—'* ' Ttcas in the merry month of May." 

Bun. Nobody at homo will st.ny. 

Digging fur gold is all ilio fun ; 

Wo sIii»iiIJlm' inir s|>ailos and march away, 

And ofl' to Californy run. 

Tho Yankoo trader leaves his store, 

Tlio Nigger swears lio'll work no more; 

Even tlio tliief gives up liis priggins 

To try his hand in these here diggins. 

(Together.) Nobody now, &c. 

Mrs. C. The ladies, too, as I am told. 

To show that they are not at all afraid, 
Are shorily to be enrolled — 
The Californian Gold Brigade. 
The laundresses tho troop will join, 
And lend their lintid in tlio washing liae; 
While every housemaid in tho muster 
Will pn>vo herself a rare good duster! 
Nobody now. Ar.r, 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. ^ 

Chif. Three old women — the one wns Inmc, 

Tlie srcond was (\{ix\{, the third nigh Wind, — 
To fdllow the men llioy were nil game. 
And vovv'd they'd none of 'em stay behind. 

Our wills are good — l)nt alack-a-day ! 
At digging gold, we'll have a try lor it; 
For where there's a will there's always a way. 
And we'll dig a bit, although we die lor it ! 

Nobody now, &c. 

\Exeunl, Bunker, Ciiiffins, Walker, and Mrs. 

ClIIFFINS, L.] 

Scene II. — Another part of tlic mountains. — At hack, the 
river is seen rushing doivn a mountain gorge a?no7igsi 
rocks and trees. Neai'er to the spectator, \..,a srnall liut 
composed ofhrancJies of trees ; on the same side, a ham' 
mock, slung under a tree. On r. a fire on the ground^ 
over which hangs a camp kettle, ssuj)cnded from a rude 
triangle. English, Spanish, American, Indian, Mexican^ 
and. Negro people, employed in the various operations of 
digging and washing the earth for gold.. Peter, a 
Negro man, r., Julina, his wife, sitting l. witli hlack 
child. Diggers come forward, with ivooden howls and 
little haskcfs containing gold ; the others collect around 
them, and the neio comers exhihit lumps of gold. 



Chorus of Golu Diggers. 

Gold, gold, gold! 
The yellow ore we find ; 

In love, in peace, in war, 
'Tis gold that rules mankind. 

Diir. dig. dig! 
And turn the teemnig sod. 

For heaps of shining gold. 
Shall well reward our toil. 

.Sor.o. 

The soldier spills his blood ; 

The sailor ploughs the main ; 
Tke student wastes thejamp; 

The precious ore to gain. 

Chorus, Dig, dig, dig ! &c. 

At the end of the chorus all the gold diggers resume 
their occupations, and go off gradually at dif- 
ferent sides. — Peter and J ulina remain. 



8 COCKNKVS IS CALlFORNrA. 

Pet. Jnllna ! 

Jul. What am <lat, Peta ? 

Pet. It strike mc berry hard — dis'ero colcmr gen'Iman 
(lam fool, to stay for iiigga help any loiigei wit massa 
])unker. What for 1 dig for liim when cbbery body in 
Callumf'ornia dig for himself? 

Jul. J>crry true, Pcta — berry true \ 
Pet. Tell you what, Julina I — You and me go to the 
ribber, and wash out a sack of gold dust on our own ac- 
count. 

Jul. Oh ! golly ! Peta ! — dat would be nice ! But if 
Massa ]>unka find out, won't he be mad 1 

Pet. Dam Massa Bunker! dis child can pick more gold 
dan him. 

Jul. But you know^ Peta, he hire you for fifty dollars a 
month. 

Pet. Hi, hi, hi» hi 1 — Fifty dollars — paid in advance — 
hi, hi, hi ! Dam Massa Jjunker! — come along^ Julina ! 
Jul. Oh ! stop bit ; — what am do wid lilly l^eta ? 
Pet. Why, put him to sleep in de hammock ; hcMl li« 
dar, safe as a coon in a holler tree. — [Petvir jmts child into 
hanvnock.) — Bless him, how hansome he grow ; — dc wool 
on his little head curl so tight he can't shut his eyes.— 
Now come along, Julina. 

[Peteu tahes a icooden howU and exit with Julina^ 

1.. As soon as theij are gone a monkci) descends 

from a tree^ l., goes to the hammock and takes 

out the childy with which he escapes as CniFriN-s 

enters, followed hy Bunktu, AIr,«. CniFriNS, 

and Walkkr, l. 

Chif Well, I declare, a man can never see the woild 

at home. Why, this beats Hornsey Wood all to nothing. 

Bun. Here we are, my boy, on my settlement ! That's 

the river Sacramento — and there are the g«»ld-scckers— 

Yankees, Mexicans, Niggers, Spaniards — all digging fiir 

gold on the banks. 

Cfiif. What a prodigious run for goM on your banks ! 
Bun. And there's my hammock, ma'am, under that gum 
tree, where I turn in at night. 

Mr*. C. Dear me, Captain, *tis so small! — I should 
think you could scarcely turn in it. 

Bun. Well, ma'am, it is certahily rather narrow for a 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 9 

man of my tonnage, but I made it so on purpose to dodge 
the musquitoes ; for when I turn in they must turn out ; 
there ain't room for more than half-a-dozen i>f them to 
lodge along: with me. 

Chif. — {utters an exclamation of sudden pain^) — Oh ! oh ! 
— what's that ? 

Bun. Stop — stop ! — it's one of them — {catches a mus- 
quito on Chijffins' neck) — only a small fellow — not much 
larger than a wasp. Some of them run as big as sparrows 

Chif. Musquitoes as big as sparrows ! 

Bun. Regular nippers, my boy ! that could draw blood 
from an anchor fluke ; and the worst of them is, they'l 
never touch a seasoned settler while there's a stranger's 
skin to be had for the biting. 

Chif. Heaven preserve our tender skins ! — what's to 
become of us, if we're to be served up as a banquet for 
these Californian vampires ] 

Mrs. C. [who has seated herself on a hank, r., starts up^ 
exclaiming) Oh ! oh ! oh ! — Captain — look there ! — what 
is it 1 — that little shiny thing wriggling through the dry 
leaves 1 

Bun. Oh ! ma'am, don't be alarmed — it's only a gi'een 
snake ; we make eel pies of 'em in these parts — and weiTy 
good imitations of the real Twit'nams they are. 

Mrs. C. Green snakes ! — eel pies ! — a-ah ! I could 
never abide them. 

Chif. I hope, Captain, we shan't have many of these 
visitors here. 

Bun. Oh ! nothing to speak of — only a few scorpions 
and toads, and venomous spiders. You must keep a sharp 
look out, too, in your shoes, when you get up in the morn- 
ing, for the centipedes — them chaps with a hundred feet, 

Chf. A hundred feet in my shoes ! Ecod ! I don't 
pity them if they've got corns among them. 

Bun. — {calling) — Julina ! Dash my paddles, where can 
the black wench be ? — I hope she hasn't left me to cook 
my own dinner. — {calls) — Peter ! — the nigger rascal's gone 
too! Never mind — the kettle's on the fire yonder: all 
we want is something to fill it — so I'll just step and see 
what I've got in the locker. [Exit, l. 

Chif Bravo ! — the gallant Bunker is like the pelican 
of the wilderness; — he's " the sweet little cherub that sits 



10 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

up aloft to keep watch for the hfe of poor Chiffins." Wal- 
ker, you good-for-nothing particle, don't stand there, sir, 
with yoar hands in your breeches' pockets, like a note of 
admiration, but put more sticks on the fire, and make the 
kettle boil directly. 

Wal. Yes, father — that I will. — ( The hoy goes to jire^ 
gathers sticks, and put them on.) 

Mrs. C. And while the Captain's away, I'll step into 
the cabin, and make myself fit to be seen. Cicero's fallen 
asleep, so I'll lay the dear little fellow in this hammock 
here till I return. 

Chrf. Give him to me, my dear. — {takes infant from 
Mrs. Chiffins.) — Bless him ! he's his pa's own image. — 
\he places the child in the hammock ; Mrs. Chiffins goes 
into the hut, L.j — Well, matters mayn't turn out so bad . 
after all ; and if I have only the luck to hit upon a vein of 
nice nubbly gold, shan't I make them stare when I go 
home ! 

Enter Captain Bunker, l., with a dead crow, and re-enter 
at the same time Mrs. CU.IYFINS from the hut. Walker 
drops asleep. 

Bun. D — n the rascal ! — some of these piratical gold- 
diggers have discovered where I had stowed away my 
provisions in a hollow tree, and havn't left me as much as 
would victual a mouse-trap. 

Chif. What says the gallant bunker? — Have the vic- 
tuals vanished, and our prospect of dinner been merely a 
dissolvinof view ] 

Bun. No — no, my boy— not so bad as that. Luckily I 
fell in with a Yankee fellow, who carries on a trade in 
ntomach fixins, as he calls 'em, here in the diggins. 1 gave 
the fellow an ounce of gold-dust for this Californian 
turkey. 

Mrs. C. [examining th&bird.] Californian turkey ! Cap- 
tain ! — The v'.llain has sold you an old crow ! 

Bun. Dash my paddles ! — you don't say so t 

Chif [examining the bird.] It's a decided case of caw ' 
caw! — but under existing circumstances, we can't insist 
upon that remarkable fact. So, Mrs, Cihffins, my dear 
have the goodness to cook the bird as a turkey, and the 
gallant Bunker will pluck the crow with that cheating 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 11 

Yankee when he catches him. — [gives bird to Mrs. Chif- 

FINS.] 

Bun. Burn niy biler ! I'll keelhaul the rascal. J5ut, I 
eay, we must go to work for the dust, or we'll have to go 
without breakfast to morrow. Can you dig, Chiffey ! — 
can you dig, rhy boy 1 

Chif. Dig — a verb active — imperative mood. — Let us 
dig. I don't think I ever tried, Captain. 

Bun. Never mind — Til dig, and you shall wash. — You 
can wash — can't you ] 

Chif. I rather think T can ? Ask Mrs. Chiffins how I 
wash the children in the morning. Ecod, I'll wash the 
whole face of Califoniia for you, if you like ! 

[Bunker takes a spade, l. 

Bun. Come along, then ; we'll try a fresh digging up 
the bed of the river, and be back to dinner by the time the 
turkey is cooked. 

Chif. Stop, Captain ! as the bed of the river is likely 
to be damp, I'd better take my warming-pan. — \takes 
warming-pan?^ — Farewell, Maria Jane Matilda ! I'll fetch 
you back an apronful of the precious material. 

M.rs. C. Chiffins, dear ! I must give you a kiss for luck 
before you go. 

Chif. Amiable weakness ! — [kisses- her.] — There ! — 
Grammatically speaking, I could never decline a kiss — 
even from my wife. Now, Captain, lead with your spade, 
and I'll follow suit ! 

[Exit Bunker, r. s. ^., followed by Chiffins. 

Mrs. C, Well, if Chiffins picks up a handsome fortune 
here, I'm determined I'll be a lady — a real lady — for I'll 
have breakfast every morning in bed. — [goes to kettle and 
looks into it.] — Dear me ! — I shall want more water. — 
Walker! — Walker! — What are you sleeping for? — Ge*; 
up, and pluck the fowl, while I go and fetch some water 
from the river. 

Wal. [loiking and yawning] — A-aw ! — I am coming ! 

Mrs. C. Mind you pluck it nicely. Walker ; do you 
hear ? 

Wal. Oh ! yes, I hear. — [Exit Mrs. Chiffins ivith pit- 
cher, L. s. E.] — 1 don't see why I should be kept here 
plucking of this old duck when father, and everybody ia 



12 COCKNE7S IN CALIFORNIA. 

digging for gold : I'm big enough — I am ; and I'll go and 
have a game in Tom Tiddler's ground, as well as the rest 
— [runs off, L.] 

VPhe Tnonkey appears, carrying a large sfor.e; ht 
goes to the kettle which is on the fire ; takes the 
crow out of it, and puts the stone in place of it 
in the kettle. He then scampers off with the 
bird. 

Enter Mrs. Chiffins, l., with a pitcher of water, 

Mrs. C. Walker ! — Walker !— I'll lay ray life the good 
for -nothing boy has fallen asleep again — [looks about.] — 
No, he hasn't. Bless me ! he's nof here. — Where can h-s 
be ? If he should have strayed away into the forest — 
\calfs] — Walker, Walker ! — Oh dear, oh dear ; what terri- 
ble news this will be for poor Chiffins, when he returns ! 

Enter Bunker, r. s. x;^ 

Oh ! Captain ; I'm in such a fright. — My boy, — poor little 
Walker, — is missing ! — Have you seen anything of him ? 

Bun. — [wiping his eyes.] — No, ma'am ! 

Mrs. C. Good gracious — What's the matter with you 1 
— There are tears in your eyes. — Is it the boy ? 

Bun. [weeping.] — No, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Then it's Anthony ! — it's Chiffins ! — it's my 
husband ! — something has happened tohim.^ — Tell me all/ 

Bun. [blubbering.] — Poo, boo, hoo, ho-o-o-o ! 

Mrs. C. I know 'tis something dreadful. — Why don't 
you speak 1 

Bun. [blubbering.] — Poo, hoo, hoo, ho-o-o-o ! 

Mrs. G. Captain ! — I'm a woman of robust mind, and 
can bear to hear the worst. — I — feel a something that tells 
me — I am-— I am — now — now — 

Bkn. — [sobbing.] — An interesting widow, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Oh, Captain Bunker! — That is a blow! 

Bun. So it is, ma'am — But you mustn't give way, Mrs. 
Chiffins! — you must keep the steam up, ma'am. 

J\Irs. C Tell me how the fatal accident happened. 

Bun. Why ma'am — it's a short, but melancholy tale, 
ma'am. — The late Mr. Chiffins, and myself, had hit upon 
a n-ice fresh spot on the river bank, a little way above the 
Big Falls, ma'am — and were digging, and washing tre- 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 13 

mendous, — when Mr, Chiffins, in the enthusiasm of finding 
a grain of gold, — slipped from the bank, ma'am, 'into the 
river; and before you could "say Jack Robinson the poor 
fellow was caught by the rapids, and carried bang over 
the Falls, like a pine log, ma'am. 

Mrs. C. Oh! Captain Bunker! — if it had been in Hox- 
ton, I could have borne my bereavement with pleasure — 
I mean, with resignation — but in a foreign land, what is to 
ffive me comfort 1 

Bun. Comfort ! — [aside.] — I didn't think of that ! — Ja- 
cob Bunker never saw lovely woman in distress without 
bearing up to her assistance. — Dash my paddles ! — Mrs. 
Chiffins, I'll marry you myself. 

Mrs. C. You, Captain ? — ^you can't be serious ; you can 
never mean such a thing. 

Bun. What Jacob Bunker says, he means, ma'am ; and 
what he means, ma'am, he does, ma'am ! so I say again, 
I'll marry you. 

Mrs. C. Don't Captain Bunker ! — pray don't. 

Bun. I will ma'am. — Gravesend expects every man 
will do his duty ! — whereby- — you being a lonely widow, 
it's my duty to make you happy. 

Mrs. C. Ah ! T shall never be happy again — never ! 
— at least for some time. — Oh, my — excuse me — Bunker 1 

Bun. [aside.] — She calls me her Bunker I 

Mrs. C. You can't know my feelings — you never lost a 
husband. 

Bun No, ma'am ; I can't say as I ever did. 

Mrs. C. Poor Chiffins ! I never knew his value until 
now, that I have lost him. — [weeps.] 

Bun. Keep up the steam — ma'am — keep up the steam 
— I've got a little cordial here that will do you good — 
[Jetches brandy bottle from hut, and pours out brandy into 
a tin cup,] Now, ma'am — try the least drop of this re- 
vi\er. 

Mrs. C. — [takes cup, and drinks.] — -Oh ! Captain — this 
18 indeed — consoling! 

Bun. Try another drain, ma'an. 

Mr'S. C. Not for the world. Captain! 

[She holds the cup ; Captain pours more in. 

Bun. [drinks from the bottle.] — Ah, that is the real ren- 
ovator ! — splendid brandy, but I've chalked " Pis'n" on the 



14 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

bottle, to keep the pirates that cruize about these parts 
from tapping it — \replaces bottle in hut.] 

Mrs. C. Captain Bunker, you must feel that situated as 
we are, it would not be proper for me to remain here. 

Bun. Why, ma'am, that's a delicate point I've been 
turning in my mind ; and I've just recollected there's a 
village four or five miles from here, where you may re- 
main for a few days, till we get some account ot the boy, 
who, I daresey, has fallen in with some of the digging 
parties. — I'll convoy you there myself, ma'am ; and as I've 
got confoundly tired of the place. Til bid farewell to my 
trim built cottage for ever. 

Mrs. C. Oh, Captain ! you're our only protector now ; 
so I thix)W myself and innocent babe altogether on your 
hands. 

Bun. Thank you, ma'am. — I feel the weight of the 
compliment; whereby, I think we'd better start directly. 

Mrs. C. Whenever you please. Captain. 

Bun. Avast though ! — I must first write a note to all in- 
quiring friends. — [he takes a hoard near the door of hut, and 
writes with chalk upon it ; reads while he writes. "Sailed 
from these diggins — Captain Bunker, and Mrs. Chiffins — 
D. I. O." — There's my ticket. [Mrs. Chijins has taken 
the child out of the hammoch ; Bunker hangs the hoard 
against the hut.] — Now then, Mrs. Chiffins, turn ahead ! 
and away we goes, ma'am ! 

[Exeunt, Bunker and Mrs. Chiffins, l. u. e. 
The momkey appears carryiug the hlack child, ivhich he 
places in the harnmock, and, escapes. Chiffins is 
heard outside, calling — ■" Where's the gallant Bun- 
ker ?" He then enters, without a hat, torn coat, his 
clothes and hair wet. 

Chif. Where — wh ore's the gallant Bunker ? Where's 
my Maria Jane Matilda ] What an aquatic spectacle I've 
made of myself! Hey ! Where's Mrs. Chiffins? why is 
she not here to receive her dripping husband to her arras % 
[^ees the writing on the hoard — takes ?'/.] — What's this? — 
[rc«d^*.]-^--** Sailed from these diggings : Captain Bunker 
and Mrs. Chiffins." Oh, yes ! 'tis as plain as chalk can 
be ! — [reads.] — " Captain Bunker and, Mrs. Chiffins — 
D. T. O."— [Z)ro/?^ the hoard.\'—0\i ! oh ! it's all over! I'm 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. J5 

a deserted mary, as the French say. The only frier. d I 
had in this quarter^ has carried off my better half ; the 
Gravesend Sea Serpent has absconded with my Maria 
Jane Matilda, and confesses his crime upon this board, in 
ch'tilk. They've taken the children, too. — \sees child in 
hammock?^ — Hey! no — they've left little Cicero; he's 
here. — \snatchts up child, and starts hack horrified, when 
he sees its blackface.] — The blessed image of its pa it 's ! 
Ha ! oh ! Day and Martin ! what's this 1 Cicero turned 
as black as a beetle ! Hah ! some dark business has been 
going on here ! this isn't my child — on the^ace of it. I 
disown it ! I disclaim the young imposter ! its not mine ! 
there — there ! — \thrusts it under the clothes in the hammock.] 
Oh, dear ! what is to become of me ] I'm sorry, now, I 
didn't let myself be drowned ! I oughtn't to have shouted 
for help when I was in the water — nor I wouldn't, if 1 had 
known what was before me. However, its not too late to 
put a full stop to my melancholy existence: I'll commit 
suicide ! nothing shall prevent it. I'll blot myself out of 
Nature's copy-book, and rub the name of Anthony Chif- 
fins from the slate of life. But how ? Suppose I throw 
myself over the Falls again. No ! I tried that once, and 
I didn't like it. If I knew the private residence of some 
hungry bear, I'd call on him about supper time. — [search- 
ing about.] — or, if I could only find a piece of rope, I 
might end my woes in a noose. — [goes to hut, and finds 
the brandy-bottle.] — What's this — hey 1 — [/-eaff^.] — P-i-z-n, 
** Pis'n !" Ha ! poison ! Kind fortune, my fate is in my 
hand ! Think of your wrongs, Chiffins ! think of your 
wife bolted ! your clothes lost, and your warming-pan 
gone ! Hah ! I'm wound up to desperation ! I wonder 
how much of the mixture makes a dose. Never mind — 
\takes a mouthful out of the bottle.] — 'Pon my life ! I rather 
like the flavor of the deadly potion. I'll make all sure by 
another pull. — [drinks.] — There ! I'm done for now ! I've 
swallowed enough to poison a buff*alo ! Oh, Maria Jane 
Matilda, you've done a pretty job of work ! — \singSf half 
crying 

SONG. 

AiK — " Jeannette and Jeannot." 

My wife has run away, and has left me here alone, 
In the wilds of California, to make my grievous moan ; 



16 COCKNEXS IN CALIFORNIA. 

The salt tears from my eyes — trickle down in streams of woe. 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! 

[Spoken.] I don't think the deadly potion has begun to 
take effect yet. No — no ! I must have another drain of 
the baneful beverage. — [takes a long draught.] — There ! 
1 think that's a settler ! — [sings, as he gets drunk.] 

Oh } womankind is false — as it always used to be ; 
And friendship's only gammon — for so it proved to me ; 
So I've drunk a pint of piz'n — but I fear 'tis rather slow. 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so — 
Maria Jane Matilda, 'twas a shame to use me so ! 

Well, its really very extraordinary — I don't feel a bit the 
worse for vv^hat I've taken. The only sensation I'm con- 
scious of, is a sort of merry-go-round in my head — and — 
a — remarkable inclination in my feet to start off in a 
polka. Ha! ha! ha! — [dances a few steps.] — No, no — it 
won't do ! This levity at such an awful moment is really 
disgraceful. Hie 1 I'm not gone yet — ^though I ought to 
be. What, if I can't go — what, if I won't go 1 Oh, dear ! 
perhaps I'm poison proof! — No — I feel I'm going now — 
yes, yes — oh, dear- — my head — my legs! — ha! ha! ha! 
ha ! Oh ! Maria Jane Matilda, how could you — how 
could you desert your own Chiffins, and forsake the buz- 
zum that beat for only you 1 Hie ! There ! — I'm going 
—going — gone ! — [slips down.] — Hooray ! — I wish I was 
back in Hoxton, thrashing the boys. Order ! — silence ! — 
First class come up for punishment ! 

Enter Bunker, l. tJ. e. 

Bun. Dash my paddles ! I forgot my brandy-bottle, and 
I can't leave without it. 

Ckif. [Perceiving him.] Hah ! — the villain Bunker ! — 
the sea-serpent of the Thames ! — [gets up.] — Hah ! — assas- 
sin ! — fresh-water pirate ! — you are come to dare the ven- 
geance of your injured friend ! 

Bun. Hollo ! — hollo ! Chiffins ! Dash my piecious 
paddles ! here's a go ! 

Chif. Aye ! Chiffins stands before you in the agonies 
of death, sir, with vengeance in his heart an^ a bottle in 
his hand. The same fatal weapon shall destroy us bot-h 
There ! — [throws the bottle at Bunker, who avoids it.^ 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 17 

Bun. Avast there ! — what does it all mean 1 
Chif. Revenge! — [he collars Bunker, and they strug' 
gle.] — I'll have it — your life, base Bunker — your life ! 

[Mrs. Chiffins runs in l. u. e. — she screams when she 
sees Chiffins.] 

Mrs. C. Heavens ! it is — it is my Chiffins ! 

Bun. [ Flinging him off.] Don't go near him, ma'am ! 
he's mad — stark mad ! 

Ckif. No — don't come near me. 

Mrs. C. Oh, goodness ! We thought you were drown- 
ed, Anthony. 

Chif. Well, ma'am, so 1 was ; but not finally drowned. 

Mrs. C. Oh, never mind, so as you are safe, dear! — 
[goes to embrace him — he pushes her back.] — Oh, Anthony ! 

Chif. No — no — never ! The heart that once truly 
loved never forgets — that you bolted with the base Bun- 
ker ! 

Bun. The base Bunker ! 

Mrs. C. Did you say bolted, Chiffins ? 

Chif Yes, ma'am; " bolted" was the word. Havn't I 
the confession of the destroyer of my happiness engrossed 
there in chalk 1 — [points to the board.] 

Mrs. C. Why, I heard you were drowned, and as I 
couldn't stay in this horrid place. Captain Bunker kindly 
offered to protect me to the nearest village. 

Bun. Yes, Mrs. Chiffins sailed under my convoy. Ja- 
cob Bunker only did his duty by lovely woman in distress. 

Chif [ To Bunker.] My dear friend ! allow me to call 
you once more the gallant Bunker ! — [shakes his hand 
warmly.] — Only you die, and leave a widow, and see if I 
won't do as much for her. 

Mrs. C. Now, Anthony dear, are you satisfied % 

Chf. Perfectly : that is, no — no — no ! There's a little 
ebony angel yonder in the hammock. — [Bunker takes the 
black child out of hammock, as Peter and Julina enter.] 
— That's not our little Cicero? 

Jul. No, sar, dat lilly Peta ! — [takes child from Bunker.] 
— Dis nigga lady tank you berry much, sar. 

[Mrs. Chiffins runs to meet Walker, who is entering 
with the cJiild, l. u. e. 

Chf. But where's our precious babe % 

Mrs. C. Here he comes, with Walker; the good-for 



18 COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 

nothing little scamp strayed away, and where do you 
think we found him ? but in the river, washing for gold 
dust in his new boots. 

Chif. Then all my troubles are over ! — hold, no ! — I 
forgot, in the excitement of the moment, the horrible fact 
that I'm poisoned. 

Ghif. Yes ; when I thought you had betrayed me, I 
swallowed a deadly potion — enough to kill a dozen buffa- 
loes. I'm in my last agonies this moment, though I don't 
feel them. Oh, Maria Jane Matilda, receive your doting 
husband's parting breath ! — \Jie embraces her.] 

Mts. C. Why, Chiffins, your parting breath has a 
strong smell of brandy. 

Chif. Yes, my angel, the fatal draught was very nice. 

B'un. Where did you get it, my boy 1 

Chif. Oh, there — in that bottle — I found it yonder — and 

oh! 

Bun. \Pichs up bottle.] Why, dash my paddles, this is 
my brandy-bottle ! I chalked " t'iZN" upon it, to keep the 
fellows who cruise about here from meddling with it. 
Cheer up, my boy, there was nothing worse in it than 
brandy. 

Chtf. Brandy ! — oh ! — my real Cogniac life-protector ! 
What a relief your words are to me ! Embrace the gal- 
lant Bunker, my dear ! Walker, you ungrateful vaga- 
bond, why are you not on your knees, sir, thanking the 
preserver of your pa's precious life 1 

Mrs. C. Oh, dear ! Anthony, I've got so many frights 
and turns since I came into this horrid country, that I 
know I shall never survive another day in it, 

Chif. Well, my dear, I'm disgusted with the place my- 
self, and I say, let us return to Hoxton directly. 

Bun. And I'll go with you, my boy. 

Chif. Come along, then ! — " there's a good time com- 
ing," Captain ; and the weather is favorable for going 
with half a coat. Have you got our little relative pro-- 
nouns all right, Mrs. Chiffins? 

Mrs. C. Quite right, Anthony. 

Chif. And the Californian turkey 1 Don't forget the 
turkey ! 



COCKNEYS IN CALIFORNIA. 



19 



Mrs. C. [Uncovering the kettJe.^X)\\^ gracious! the tur- 
key's gone ! 

All. Gone ! . 

Mrs. C. Yes ; and whosoever has taken it, has left thia 
stone in the kettle. — [takes the stone out of kettle.^ 

Chif. Inhuman monster! 

Bun. [Taking the stone. \ Why, dash ray paddles, this 
id a lump of gold ! 

All. Gold ! 

Mr*. C. Who ever could have put it there ? 

C/^jf. That's no business of ours. I always told you 
that luck would come to us in a lump at last, and here it 
is. 

Bun. Now, then, ring the bell, and away we goes 
again ! 

Chif. Stop ! I must make a slight alteration in your 
card — [takes the hoard.] — Where's your steel-pen, Cap- 
tain ? — [Bunker gives him a piece of chalk.] — " Sailed from 
these diggins : Captain Bunker — [writes.] — Mr. and Mrs. 
Chiffins, family, and suite. — P. S. — And don't mean tt> 
come back ever again." Now move on, Captain! 

The Diggers, male and female, enter at every side. 

Bun. Hold on, ChifTey, my boy ! here come our friends 
from the diggins. Good-bye — good-bye, lads and lasses ! 
I'm going to seize the golden opportunity of bidding fare- 
well to Californy ; but, before we start, let us finish off 
with Eveiy body's Independent and Grand National Cal- 
ifornian Fandango. 

Dance of Characters and Gold Diggers, 



CURTAIN DESCENDS. 



w 



HE MINOR DRAMA. 

he view of giving completeness to their design of supplying 
ic with all the best dramatic works that keep possession of 
e, the publishers of the " Modern Standard Drama " have 
)ed the " MINOR DRAMA," in which series will be em- 
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VOL. I. 

rish Attorney, 

at the Swan. 

to Pay the Rent, 

.oan of a Lover. 
4>ead Shot. 

lat Legs. 
invisible Prince. 
fl olden Farmer. 

*ortrait and Memoir of 
)1^ SEFTON. 

VOL. II. 

ide of the Market, f 
P- 

sh Tutor, 
rrack Room. 
i6Jie Labourer, 
and the Beast, 
ick's Eve. 
of the Watch, 
rtrait and Memoir of 
^EMYSS. 

▼OL. lU, 

Sjret. 

to orse of the Peppers. 

ii ibite. 

Biie. 

ii Cox. 

bqling. 

»it Victim. 

irtlacaire. 

rait and Memoir of 

'anfrau. 



VOL. IV. 

25. Secret Service. 

26. The Omnibus. 

27. The Irish Lion. 

28. The Maid of Croisser. 

29. The Old Guard. 
0. Raising the Wind. 

31. Slasher and Crasher. 

32. Naval Engagements. 
With a Portrait and Memoir of 

MISS ROSE TELBIN. 

VOL, VI, 

33. Cocknies in California. 

34. Who Speaks First. 

35. Bombastes Furioso. 

36. Macbeth Travestie. 

37. The Irish Ambassador. 

38. Delicate Ground. 

39. The Weathercock. 



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VOL. I. 

]. Ion. 

2 Fazio, 

3 Tiii> Lady of Lyons. 

4 (lichRlieu. 

5 The Wife. 

6 The Honey Moon. 

7 Tlie School for Scan- 
•IhI. 

8. Money. 

(Vith a Portrait and 
M'mttir of Mrs. A. C. 
MOfVATT. 

VOL. n. 

* 9. riie Stranger. 
lU (iraitdfather White- 
head. 
11 ttidiardlU. 
I'i id»^e*s Sacrifice. 
]>}, 1 he Gamester. 

14 A Cure for the Heart- 

ache. 

15 The Hunchback. 

16 Duu Cnesar De Bazan. 
H'ith a Portrait and fl/e- 

m«ir oj Mr. CHARLES 
KKAN. 

VOL. in. 

17 The Poor Gentleman. 

18 ilainlet. 

19 1 harles IL 

20 Venice Preserved. 

21 PJzarro. 

22 The Love-Chase. 
2;t Othello. 

24 Lend Me Fiv« Shil- 
lings. 

(Vith a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mr. W. E. 
BURTON. 

VOL. IV. 

25. Virginius. 

26 The King of the Com- 

mens. 

27 London Assurance. 
2h The Rent-Day. 

S9. Two (ientlemen of 

Verona. 
3*' The Jealous Wife. 
31. The Kivals. 
3i! Perfection. 

iVith a Portrait and 
UfMoir of Mr. J. H. 
UACKETT. 



VOL. V. 

33. A New Way to Pay 

Old Hehta. 

34. Look Before You Leap. 

35. King John. 

35. TIm» Nervous Man. 

37. Damon and Pythias. 

38. The Clandestine Mar- 

riage. 

39. William TeH. 

40. The Day After the 

Wedding. 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of G COLMAN 
the Elder, 

VOL VL 

4L Speed the Plongh. 

42. Romno and Juliet. 

43. Feudal Times. 

44. Chiirles the Twelfth. 

45. The Bridal. 

46. TheFoIliesofaNight. 

47. The Iron Chest 

48. Faint Heart Never 

Won Fair Lady. 

WUh a Portrait and Me- 
moir oJ Sir E.BULWER 
LYTTON. 

VOL. VII. 

49. Road to Ruin. 

50. Macheth. 

51. Temper. 

52. Cradue. 

53. Bertram. 

54. Tlie Duenna. 

55 Much AdoAboutNotb- 
iiiB. 

56. The Critic. 

mth a Portrait and 
Memoir of R. B, SHERI- 
DAN, 

|V0L. VIIL 

57. The Apostate. ! 

58. Twelfth Night. 

59. Brutus. 

60. Simpson Sl Co. 

61. Merchant of Venice. 

62. OUl Heads and Young 

Hearts. 

63. Mountaineers. 

64. Three Weeks After 
Marriage. 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mr, GEO. H. 
BARRETT. 



VOL. iz. 

65. Love. 

66. As You Like It. 

67. The Elder Brother. 

68. Werner. 

69. Gisippus. 

70. Town and Country 

71. King Lear.; 

72. Blue Devils." 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mrs. SHAW. 

VOL. X. 

73. Henry VIII. 

74. Married and Single. 

75. Henry IV. 

76. Paul Pry. 

77. Guy Mannering. ' 

78. Sweethearts & VVives. 

79. The Serious FaMly. 

80. She Stoops to Cob- 

quer.. 

VOL XI. 

81. Julius Csesar. 

82. Vicar of Wakefield. 

83. Leap Year.' 

84. The Catxpaif . 

85. The Passing Cloud. 



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